Anyone who exercises outdoors in 115 degree heat is either nuts or is a professional athlete.
Saying that I was happy to complete my usual training session that evening and only went for a light walk in the morning. My trainer canceled my session due to the heat.
Today I was slugish and tired until after I exercised and it then hit me that exercise now gives me energy.
This is a BIG deal for me, I used to drag myself from the gym to the car and feel like I was about to die after a workout. This would continue until the next day. Now I bounce out of the session and want more. I could and have exercised all day and still have more energy. That Pink Energizer bunny wasn’t getting his power from the batteries it was from all the damn push ups he was doing.
I love the fact that I am now a confirmed addict, I’ll take my drug of choice in any form; Class, PT, Circuit, Boxing, Running, Bushwalking.
When I am exercising I LOVE THE WORLD!
WOW My booty is getting tiny………
Whilst dancing around to the soundtrack to Sex & The City tonight I noticed how tiny my booty has gotten. It’s not super tiny but it’s smaller, firmer and has a great shape.
It’s sexy and I feel sensual when I am shaking my hips and bum around. Is it bad to get turned on by your own booty?
I just want to shake it at everyone. Do you want to feel my butt?
If anyone claims they don’t play games when it comes to the opposite sex then they are lying.
Without realising it I have ended up in a game with a boy. Lets call this boy Younger Guy. There were flirtations and I played along, enjoyed the attention after all it keep me entertained whilst Ian was being Ian. When it got to serious I played the innocent card and pulled back. Now he has pulled back I want to play again. So I act coy and sneaky to get his attention and reel him in. But I know I will dump him the moment he is interested again.
So why play the game? I want him to want me but I don’t want him. I want to make Ian jealous and what’s better than a fit Younger Guy.
Maybe I could force myself to like Younger Guy. He is fit, active and enthusiastic. He seems kind and thoughtful, so what is the issue? His biggest turn off for me is his age. There is something seductive about an older more confident man and unfortunately anything else seems weak and unattractive. Should I try something new or just let it go and hope something else comes along.
So what is the next move?
What is it about Hot Chocolate that is so comforting? It should have the same level of comfort as Chocolate right? Same taste just different form but somehow chocolate is more exciting, more passionate. Hot Chocolate is warm pj’s and a Snuggie.
So why do I need comforting on New Years Day? Don’t get me wrong I am very excited about the year ahead. I know that my health will only get better and I am so close to healthy weight range that I don’t ever think that I will be overweight ever again. A few wines too many last night has created a sluggish sensation today and coupled with the fact that Ian has reverted back to his old self has left me feeling unloved, unmotivated and uncaring.
There are so many things I should be thinking about now: the last of my assignments, finding a job, setting up my business, my finances. However I only can think about the fact that I am still alone. The biggest sting is that I enjoy being alone. Yes strange as it sounds, I love nothing more than enjoying my own thoughts, relaxing in my own space and making my own decisions. Yet part of me wants that other person, well honestly I think about kids mostly. Shaping little minds and spirits but occasionally like today I want “the other half”. I want someone who will share their paper with me but also feel so passionately about me that they would do anything to have me. Its a sad event when you realise sex has become Hot Chocolate rather than Lindt Chocolate Balls.
So back to Ian, how do I play it? Ignore him, Aloofishness, lay it out. Should I even do anything? When I think about it what do I want from him? Things couldn’t be the way they have been. It has always been a one sided power thing and for us to work it would have to be equal. Further than that we couldn’t be anything casual. Ian and I have been too far down that track, we would have to be serious and by serious I mean the full commitment. He either doesn’t care about me enough or doesn’t care about himself enough. I am so confused in my mind about Ian that it doesn’t surprise me that we can maintain a friendship.
So back the Hot Chocolate that I have consumed whilst writing this. It’s smooth, chocolaty and warm. Pure Comfort.
I just spent 30 minutes looking at the Wedding photos of an old friend.
She is the same age as me, same tom boy approach and yet she has found love and has got married.
WHEN THE HELL IS IT MY TURN??????
I know it is bad to be jealous right now and I am full of happiness for her. I just want to know when it is time for me???
Seven days in of eating high processed foods and two left to go.
I can not believe I used to eat this food and in these quantities. No wonder I was consistently ill. This week’s ailments run from nausea, headaches, bloating, stomach cramps and fatigue. I’m a fat bloated grumpy bitch.
I am eating these foods for several reasons:
1) I am entering a Weight Loss competition on Monday and the possibility of having some water weigh means I could drop more weight.
2) I am struggling with cravings and having too many off plan days. I am hoping flooding my body with the foods I was craving will cause my body to reject them.
3) I have had an emotional time recently wanted to not think about food or what is going in my mouth.
It’s like a a smorgasbord board of every food I have avoided over the last year. Pizza, Chips, Lollies, Chinese, Pasta, Popcorn, Ice Cream, Fish and Chips, Soda, Burgers & Krispy Kreme donuts.
My body is already rejecting these foods and I could only stomach one meal today. I feel sick at the thought of more “junk” and my body is dying for decent nutrients.
I hope I can make it another two days.
Vodka and Ice Cream numbs the pain.
I have been on a “Diet” for almost 9 months now and I am starting to get impatient.
If I hear “but you have come so far”, “look at the changes in your body” & “you have lost 70lbs” one more time I might have have to drink a crate of wine and take a bath in melted Snickers. I am not going to lie, I WANT TO BE SKINNY NOW!!!!
Why does it have to take so long, why does my body not want to break down the fat faster??
I can make all the healthy choices I want, exercise 12 hours a day and my body still won’t release that fat fast enough for me.
Why can I control it? I hate not being in control, setting the pace and the direction.
Can’t they just create an instant skinny pill, a special fat melting machine. Anything so for the first time ever I will know what it is like to be slim.
BAH SKINNYBUG!!~!!!#@@#@
SUNDAY 14th June
FOOD:
Fried Egg (85) on Light Rye (84)
String Cheese (59) LOVE LOVE LOVE these!! Babybel Cheese Wheel (51)
Satay Veggie Burger (180) Sliced Tomato (10) Capsicum (16) Chilli & Lime Tzatziki (26)
Green & Blacks Milk (204)
Apple (47) & Banana (54) slices with Wild Berry Yogurt (100) and Almonds (85)
Green & Blacks Milk (204) Cab Sav (110)
TOTAL: 1383
WATER: 2lts - WOO HOO, glowing skin here I come.
EXERCISE: 20 minutes high intensity weights training (180) Treadmill (100) Bicycle (50)
TOTAL CALORIES minus exercise: 1053
COMMENTS: Lots of Chocolate with fruit and veg in between. Finally back to working out on my own, felt strange as it has been a few weeks however I am focused on a big loss this week. Why can’t weekends be 3 days long……
HAPPY: The way my body looks in the mirror when weights training (I barely recongise myself), letting chocolate melt on my tongue, making budget 2 weeks in a row.
